Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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