Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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