If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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