yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
