he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
