I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
