i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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