Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
