somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
