Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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