I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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