My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
