That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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