and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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