I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
