just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
