it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
