Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
