Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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