I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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