If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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