Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
