dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
