I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
