I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize