he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My penis needs a shock collar
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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