I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I cannot find my penis.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
