im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
