I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
