So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He did a backflip because drugs
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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