If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
