Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
