time to smoke my breakfast
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
