If i come over, it means nothing
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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