Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Your penis caused this!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
