non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
