i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
