Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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