why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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