She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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