we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
