new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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