Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I want to stick my p in your. b.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
