I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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