It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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