I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
