I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
