i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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