we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What a dumb baby whore.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
