How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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