What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
