You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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