Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
