but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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