too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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