AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
