She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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