His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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