To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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