...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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