Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize