apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
