Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
