so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
