u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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