I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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