I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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