we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize