He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
