it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
