come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
