I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Vodka?
Forever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
