he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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