All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
