david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
