So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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