Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I party with great urgency now.
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