go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
