he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
