All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
