its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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