she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
