Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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