just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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