How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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