I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
