3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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