And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
