I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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