I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
