Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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